Christ showed me today He is my all in all, all I need....

shared last week in here about my van. Well it was the transmission and it was going to cost me 1500.00....I have to have a vehicle, I have to work to pay the bills. After this happened Friday night I have been totally lost how am I going to pay for the repairs should I even fix the van? I was totally lost...anyways yesterday at church I went up for prayer during the altar call ....I was like Lord I dont know what to do this is all on you show me where I need to go with this. I went back to my seat feeling a weight lifted off my shoulders but still didnt know what to do or where to go with this but trying very hard to trust God. This morning I went in to work in the rental car....I called the mechanic to get his official "diagnosis" and yep it was the transmission and it was going to be 1500.00 and no I could not make payments but if I could come up with 1200.00 he would let me make payments on the remaining 300.00...I was devastated. Lord where do I go with this, there still isnt a way. I just kept remembering scripture I had been memorizing, He will supply all my needs kept running through my head. About 45 minutes later I got an email from one of the ladies in my Sunday School Class telling me that there is a fund used to help families with issues and I needed to apply for it and she attached an application. I can depending on the severity of the situation receive up to 1000.00.....I applied and faxed the forms back to the church administrator and I prayed Lord I pray this is an outlet an answer in the meantime I also called 2 banks just to see if I could be financed for a car ...20 minutes later the administrator emailed me and told me that I could receive the 1000.00 for my van if I can come up with the 500.00 I told him that I could and he told me he would be in contact with the garage. Almost instantly the garage called me and wanted to let me know they had started the work on my van and it will be done Thursday night which means I can go home Friday to go to my parents Harvest/Halloween Party and the kids can see their cousins, I have had this planned for over a month now and it was looking last week like I wasnt going to get to go home and right now with all I have been through these past weeks I am ready to spend some time fellowshipping with family. My parents had given me the gas/food money to go home a couple months ago when we talked about doing it. The rental car I have been driving I went to go return it and extend till Thursday and when I asked the guy at Enterprise hes like your security deposit will cover the car till Thursday (another praise, thank you God!) and thank you they had a smaller car that had been returned I had been driving a 2008 Dodge Charger and it wasnt for me so I went for a smaller KIA that I could handle better although someday I wouldnt mind having one of those maybe after the kids..lol...anyways I am just so pumped about how well this all came through. God is my all in all....I never really knew what that meant till today. I am going to be okay, God is teaching me so much about the person He wants me to be. I just had to share this all with you...

Just when you think everything is going good....Boom!!!

Yep Boom!!! Friday night on my way home from work my tranny went out in my van. The old me would have freaked because Matty was in Indy at daycare and I was stuck in Franklin but I must be growing up because I didnt freak, I stopped and I was like "Ok God you know what I need..." I found the phone number of my friend Val who lives in my complex and it was my lucky day because I was able to call and have Val pick up Matty and then I got to the service center and I called the rental car place and they had one car left a 2008 Dodge Charger and the silver lining with that was that they charged me the "basic" rate instead of the "premium" rate which was what that car was. So I was able to get home. They called me on Saturday and told me 1500.00---God you know my needs, you know rent needs to be paid this week and everything but He has gotten me this far there is no way He's going to let me sink now, and He didnt let me sink Friday night. He was right there orchestrating each step.

Since Friday I have basically just hung out at home. Today my stupid alarm clock has a time change automatically (uggh) and so this morning it decided to change so I woke up an hour later than I was supposed to. Thank goodness it was on a weekend and not during the week so I rushed to church and then got home and decided to cook a big dinner so I made BBQ Meatloaf (Paula Deen was where I got the recipe), and Rice a Roni topped with cheese and homemade crescent rolls and frozen peas. I love to cook and the meatloaf was awesome!!!!

Matty also had to show me tonight he has his 1st loose tooth!!! Its so cute, I cant remember Dustin's 1st loose tooth since it was like 6 years ago. I cant remember alot of Dustin's 1sts that I am having to relive with Matty. He is so excited but I think he is scared when it is going to fall out. When he eats he has to go in the bathroom and look and make sure it is still there. I just think thats so cute!!!

Its been awhile....

Okay I cannot believe its been this long since I blogged. Whats been up with me since the 9th of October, well lots of things. Work is keeping me busy and Matty is managing to be all boy and tear his pants and play outside and enjoy the beautiful fall weather. (except for today it is raining steadily outside....uggh) The leaves are changing I am getting bigger...lol Miss Thang as the boys call my Miss Ali is moving all over the place, Matty loves to watch her kick.

Divorce Care is going great. I am halfway done with the class and the Lord really has been healing things, doesnt help Mr Idiot and his spouse have been complete arses but thank you Lord for progressing me past the drama. I am enjoying the class and I am enjoying the Lord working in my life. He has blessed me more abundantly in so many ways, not just financially but with me and my kids and the fact that we have grown so much closer since the divorce. My kids know that they can talk to me about anything and that I will always be there for them. Thank you Lord for helping me as I go through this time of transition thank you for softening my heart and healing the hurt.

I am learning as I go through this time alot about Karma....It can really come back to bite you in the rear, I have never really understood the what goes around comes around until now or the you will reap what you sow, but God has really been hitting that home to me so to speak now more than ever.

3 weeks ago I went and saw "Fireproof". First of all I love Kirk Cameron especially for his role in Left Behind 1, 2, and 3. But I love his faith, its so rock steady. Anyways I highly recommend every Christian see this movie. I went into the theatre, this was my 1st time going to a movie alone. I was so scared that I wasnt going to be able to watch the movie since it was about a marriage on the rocks. I have been dealing with my own issues as to why my marriage failed and what he sees in her and not me. Anyways what really opened my eyes was when God, through the man's father showed him the error of his ways and if he wanted to save his marriage he had to change, not just his wife. What I also thought was cool was that the man's father and mother's marriage had almost crumbled 2 years earlier and it was like the issues from that incident planted the seeds into their son so they could be an example to him and his wife of the Power of God and how he worked in their marriage. It was amazing to me how one person views that movie and sees something totally different and gets something totally different out of that movie than another person. Thats the Holy Spirit working! I still havent gotten to the point where I am going to sit in a restaurant alone but someday maybe at least now I know I can go and enjoy a movie alone if the opportunity presents itself for me to get to go.

I am

I got this from a friend and figured I would try this....
I am: a child of God, mom, sister, friend, best friend, cousin, niece, granddaughter, daughter

I think: that if we dont do something to stop it our economy is going to be in serious trouble.

I know: that even if there isnt anyone out there to love me that the Lord loves me no matter what

I want: to find Mr. Right and spend the rest of my life getting to know him and be the best mom I can be to my kids

I have: 2 awesome boys and soon a little girl

I wish: that pregnancy was shorter (like 25 weeks) that way I could be almost done and back to my regular life

I hate: People who treat me as a 2nd class citizen because I am divorced and now pregnant with another man's child. Get over it already I know I have and I know the Lord has forgiven me.

I miss: Going out and spending time with someone. When Matty is with his dad the house is so quiet and I am so lonely. I would just like to have someone to dress up and go out to dinner and a movie with or someone to go on a walk with or cuddle up and watch a movie with.

I fear: that I am not going to meet anyone and not have the financial support I need to get ahead in life

I feel: overused. Like I am supposed to just allow a man to get to know me and use me and leave me, its happened more times than I can count.

I hear: My co-workers gossiping

I smell: Carrie's cinnabon candle burning, it smells so good!

I crave: food this morning. I am hungry...a hug too would be nice..I dont get enough of those!

I search:

I wonder: If I can ever have a normal life again.

I regret: that I wasnt there more for my kids when they were younger.

I love:my kids, my friends and family and above all I love the Lord for saving a wretch like me

I ache: all over this morning for some reason, not sure why

I care:

I always: Attempt to pay my bills on time!

I am not: someone that can be used and discarded I am a human being with feelings!

I believe: that if yout tithe the Lord will truly provide all of your needs

I dance: Nope! I am not that good

I sing: I love Praise and Worship whenever I am working in the house!

I don't always:

I fight: for my rights!

I write: all the time. I love to blog and journal my feelings.

I win: as Supermom to my kids!

I lose:

I never: thought my life would turn out this way

I confuse:

I listen: to my friends and family when they give me advice

I can usually be found: in my bedroom on my bed on my computer...its quiet and cozy there

I am scared:

I need: to be taken care of once in awhile

I am happy about:

Okay I know I left some blank but my mind isnt working this morning you fill them in if you want to.

Mud!!!! Uggh

Last night Matty asked if he could go outside and play. I was like yeah we have 1 hr before Club Rock and my Divorce Care Class yeah arent you hungry---no, alright then you may go out and play. Matty scampered out the door and went over to the courtyard, mom didnt remember it had rained the day before. Anyways I got everything ready to leave and when it was 20 till 7 I called Matt in so we could leave. I didnt even look at him (my mistake) and I was like lets go Matty and hes like mom did you even look at me? I admit I was in go-mode and didnt even look. I looked down at Matty and nearly had a heart attack!!! OMG!!!! Matty was covered in mud!! Apparently one of his "buddies" had wrestled him and got him down into the mud hole in the courtyard! I admit, I freaked! I rushed him upstairs and stripped off his mud covered shorts and long sleeve shirt and threw him into the shower. Handed him soap and a washcloth and told him to get scrubbing. I had never seen so much mud all over his legs, arms, face, and even in his hair! Got him scrubbed and clean and redressed in jeans and a t-shirt and we made it to Club Rock and my class in the nick of time.

Uggh there are days like this incident where uggh I hate being mom and dad to Matty. I love my son dont get me wrong and when I am having a bad day he can make me laugh but uggh in the mud when we are late to go somewhere...I know God I just have to grin and bear with it..and enjoy the mud!

Its a Girl!

Had my ultrasound yesterday. She is perfect 10 fingers and 10 toes I am gonna have to post pictures. She was so fiesty with arms and legs moving all over the place like she was ready to blow this popstand (me) and explore the world! Matty is a little upset I am not having a boy, but oh well I have a feeling this little girl as fiesty as she is now is gonna give her dopey brothers a run for their money!!! Mom and my sisters have been helping me think of names and right now we are kinda stuck on Alison Rene. Alison after my dad, she is due on his birthday and then we can call her Ali. Dad's favorite actress is Ali MCGraw so thats a plus as well. An calling her Ali means she can be named after my dad whom we call Al. I also liked the name Alexis but we already have an Alexis in the family.

Strawberry Cheesecake

I went shopping today. Its amazing when you are single how important your food is to you. When I was married we were always scrimping and saving and went to like Aldi's and if we went to Meijer or Kroger we counted every cent we spent. Now that I am single I love food. I love my kids having snacks and stuff. Anyways after work I went to Meijer tonight just for milk and some other things and ended up spending 84.00...the old me wouldnt have done that but the new me well..oh well I dont have a life and i love to eat so it wasnt that big of a deal. Anyways one of the things I have been wanting to have was strawberry cheesecake. When I was married Mike and I ate strawberry cheesecake when we were just the 2 of us together and when I met Mike I bought him a cheesecake for his 1st birthday we celebrated together --a strawberry one. So it kind of became a tradition for us. Anyways since the divorce I havent had one so today when I went in to Meijer I decided -- the heck with it I want strawberry cheesecake. So I bought a frozen one and brought it home and thawed it out and had it for dessert tonight. Ah the memories it brought back but then I realized there wasnt anyone to share this with, that has been so hard for me to deal with but oh it was so tasty! I missed it so much just like I miss the old days so to speak but as I ate it was like a farewell to my old life and a hello to my new one. I have to admit I miss being married, miss the cuddling and I pray that someday I can have that again, but this time different, this time have a marriage that has more of a foundation, more sustenance so to speak. As I sit here with another piece of cheesecake (remember I am not counting calories lol) Heres goodbye to the old life and hello to the new life, the new opportunities, new horizons. It is amazing how one thing can mean different things depending on the circumstances.

Okay well I had complications with my blood sugar and blood pressure from when I was pregnant with Matty apparently I am gonna have them with this pregnancy too. Saturday night I did not feel well and ended up going to bed about 830, right after Matty fell asleep. Sunday morning I felt worse but then I was like I need to go to church, so I woke up Matty and off to church we went . I got Matty into his Sunday School and got myself into sunday school, went in and got myself some OJ and settled down ready for class and boom! I passed out! When I came to I had a dr and 2 nurses working on me. I thank God that they were in class and I really thank God that the man sitting next to me knew to get them, they gave me more juice and took my bp. I dont know what the heck happened but thanks to them they got me feeling better and I am just glad they were there. So now I guess I am in trouble again. I can drive to work and home and then I have to rest when I get home. I went home after the incident yesterday morning I didnt chance going to service and I am so blessed that I have a very loving, understanding child who spent the afternoon playing and cleaning his room and he gave mommy a surprise-- he cleaned his room spotless and made his bed. Other than the incident it was a pretty uneventful weekend. Notre Dame won which I am glad and the Colts game--wow that was an awesome 4th quarter to go from 17 points down to win the game its just outstanding! The leaves are starting to change here and its getting cooler-- Other than that not much happening on this side of the world!

Moving Day!

I have heard about it since December of last year about our new office and this week it finally happened--we moved to our new offices. Nothing impressive let me tell you we basically had to cram 1000 sf of stuff into 200 sf--not an easy task but thanks to some awesome organization we did it, and in one day too working the whole day packing and moving over here. The only positive thing in this move is that I have my own computer now and my own cubicle so to speak.

I cannot believe that its Thursday already. This week has gone by so fast. Went to Divorce Care last night. Learned alot about anger and everything but it is so hard going into a place where everyone is in a different place in their lives and in their divorce. Mine is over and thats about all I can say about it. He is married to the white trash ho. Love that song cheater cheater and cannot wait for the CD to come out with that song on it in Jan 2009. Cannot believe also that next week is my ultrasound. I dont know if I want a boy or a girl all I want is for the baby to be healthy with all my medical issues.

I also cannot believe that I paid October's bills already (well most of them) My 15th paycheck will be able to be banked for the most part. I also cannot believe that its October already. Time is sure flying only less than 3 months left of this horrible year all I can say is that 2009 has got to be better I said that about 2007 and 2008 was worse so I dont know. God is certainly supplying all my needs and to think I judged Him wow He showed me! I have got to get into the word more but with chasing a 6 yr old and keeping up the house and working 40 + hours per week there isnt alot of time.

The leaves are changing, fall is here, grab a cup of hot apple cider and settle in for the fall!