Christmas Spirit

I dont know about all of you but I just cannot get into the Christmas spirit this year or any year something always happens to come along and rob me of it. Last year it was me losing my house and this year it was the transmission in the van. What the heck? Every year something happens around October or November that zaps the money I had put aside for Christmas and just ruins my Christmas spirit. It so frustrates me, I would just for one year like to enjoy the holiday, get my kids what they want for Christmas, and not have to worry about whether the bills will get paid if I splurge. I would like to be able to walk into a Toys R us and get them exactly what they want...I wonder if thats ever going to happen.

Okay thanksgiving's over..now what?

Okay Thanksgiving is over. I spent the day driving. Drove to mom and dads like 8am and had lunch with them (quick lunch) and then left Matty with them for the weekend and then drove home so I could work Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Had alot of time to think while I was driving, got alot of things figured out in my head anyway. As I was driving past the homes full of people eating dinner and fellowshipping for the holiday together my heart began to hurt. I had that and I loved that.

How I love where I live

I love Indy where I live. Mom and dad called me last night and told me about their 8 inches of lake effect snow. Hahaha was all I can say, yeah its cold here but there is no snow! Tonight me and Matty went to the YMCA Bonfire. How fun they had smores and popcorn and apples with carmels drizzled all over them and some awesome chili. I love fall love the smells, the sites and there is nothing more peaceful to me than a cold clear night with the sky full of stars!

I have been in the word alot lately about contentment and how Christ desires us to be content in whatever situation we are in....I know thats something I struggle with. I ask myself alot why am I in the mess I am in and how can I be content when lonelieness and frustration rear its ugly head?

Thanksgiving is a week away and this week I have been doing some thinking about what I am thankful for as well as realizing that this will be the 1st thanksgiving ever that I have not spent it with my mom and dad. I will be here since I am going up to mom and dads the following weekend so I can see Dustin in his Christmas play and we can celebrate Christmas since I cannot drive that far home for Christmas because of the baby. If anyone is headed to South Bend and would like to give me a ride and the dog I would love to go home for Christmas (just asking, half kidding). This will also be my 1st Christmas since the divorce which is kind of hard but oh well. I am trying to just move on from Christmas ....as for thanksgiving I am hoping to go out with some friends I have met down here like go to Cracker Barrel for dinner and then to a movie. Its going to be weird not being home but next year I am going to be home with bells on. Its amazing how much life changes in one year. Alison will be here in 10 weeks and then I will be mom again I cant wait. Well gonna head to bed I am exhausted. God Bless you all.

Forgot to share Halloween Pics

Okay I had an awesome Halloween, I cannot believe I havent shared any pics. There are some pics on my myspace but I so need to share these on here...

My day out!

It has been brought to my attention that basically I cannot write whatever I want to write feel on this, well to that and to the people that told me that I say to hell with you. This is my space, my feelings...you dont like it then dont freaking read it. I dont read your crap nor do I give a care. I have my own life and if you think to make your life "complete" etc then back off because I am my own person. And if you think you can destroy me by telling me about my friends and how they talk about me behind my back then you know what you dont know me. I am a strong, independent woman who loves her friends and her family and would do anything for them, and if your happiness is destroying families, etc then I truly feel sorry for you! I have a job I love with all my heart with people who love and respect me and I have 2 awesome boys who think their mommy is awesome and tell me that on a daily basis. I am going back to school so I can make something more of myself sorry I am not going to be a beotch and work at Pizza Hut or Walmart or something along those lines I am way better than that and you may think you won, what you won I am not sure what , well I am gonna tell you Karma is an awesome thing and you piss Karma off and its going to come back to bite you in the rear, See I learned way back when that if I am gonna make something of myself in this world you have to have a few things. First you have to have God first in your life, second you cannot rely on a man to take care of you, you have to rely on you and God to make it. I love these women that think that by treating a man like a puppy on a leash and being the biggest beotches they can be they have "won" something well let me tell you the only thing you have "won" is the reputation of being a beotch. Because if you have had to have gone through all I have ad done it on my own it would be hilarious to see you crumble. Okay well I have vented and now I feel much better ... now onto my day...

I got up this morning and for the last few weeks I dont know if being pregnant or what but i have been in this funk. Anyways I got up and cleaned up around the house and started the dishwasher and washer and decided to go and get my hair done at this place in Avon called Cass and Company I called them and they had a cancellation so I went over and the woman....well it was a God thing. I got my hair done and as we talked we got to know each other and I found out her mom was going through breast cancer and radiation and next thing I knew we were sitting there talking while my hair was processing and she asked me about my cancer and then asked me if she could do my makeup. I was like thank you God I needed this today and so she did my makeup and she did my hair and when it came time for me to leave and pay she had given me a 70.00 discount! I was in shock! Thank you God I so needed this day and to be able to connect with her was just so awesome! I recommend this salon to everyone I felt so at home with all the people. I have been looking for a salon for awhile and I have been to several and just didnt like the results so I was so glad to find this one or else I would have to go back to South Bend to Ja'Ross which is my fave salon back home. Anyways I got done at the salon and decided I need to get out of my box more and the one thing I have had trouble doing is eating at a sit down restaurant just me, you know the whole table for one thing and so I decided to step out of my box and go to eat. I chose Red Lobster and it was so cool I didnt feel like there were a million eyes staring at me. I actually enjoyed my lunch. You know maybe people are right I am better off being on my own I dont need a man to go to lunch I just need to be comfortable with myself. Here are some pics of the new hairstyle and makeup...what do you think about it?