Creative Counterpart Chapters 1-5

I havent had any patients today so I love to use that time to read, almost 2 years ago when I was still married and my marriage was nearing the end I signed up for a class online called Creative Counterpart in a last ditch effort to save my marriage. I got the book and began reading it and never got past Chapter 3 when Michael filed for divorce and I figured there wasnt anything more for me to learn since my marriage was over. Of course I was wrong. Anyways I have been going through alot within myself the past couple of months and I knew that today was going to be a light patient day so I pickedup the book off the bookshelf and took it to work with me. When I first started to read this book, it was like the Lord opened my eyes to so much...within the 1st sentence ...bam....Proverbs 4:23--"Keep your heart with all diligence for out of it springs forth the issues of life." I took that verse and meditated on it. Our hearts are such fragile "organs" our hearts help us feel, they can be shattered or broken and we as children of God need to guard our hearts which means stay in the word, stay in prayer, stay in fellowship with other believers. It means to keep our heart pure, to make wise decisions in Him. I have recently began dating again. This time I am dating I am 31 years old and the mom to 3 kids. I have to admit its not easy. I would like to find a man who shares the same ideals that I do...I havent found alot out there. I think thats why I started reading this book...I want to get back to who I am in Christ. I know I am the kids mom and a daughter and a sister and a friend and a confidante and maybe even a girlfriend but I want to know what else I am and where else I need to be. I admit that for the past year I have had a lockdown on my heart when Michael left me I was hurt and angry and devastated and so I hid my heart. I didnt let anyone near me and because of this I hurt myself and others around me. Then I found out I was pregnant and when Ali's dad ran I locked myself down even more. It was during my pregnancy that I realized that I needed to go back to the heart of the Lord, that I needed to get into him. I have a bumper sticker on my myspace that talks about to know me you need to seek the Lord. I so want to live to that expectation. I want to keep the Lord 1st and let the rest of the "things" in my life fall into place. No I dont have a 5 year or even a 10 year plan I just live each day as it comes -- to the fullest. I have met a wonderful man whom I have let the guard around my heart down a little to but I have also learned the only person I can truly trust is the Lord. This past Sunday I took Rey to the Vineyard. I love that church and I love Chapel Rock so for the most part I have been attending both. Rey was blown away by the Vineyard and the music and the drama and the service. I prayed all through that service that he would find "the better life" with Christ in it. I dont know if he has, that is between him and God but one thing I did do and I am glad I did was ask him to come to church with me. Pastor Bricker did an awesome sermon...he started out about chocolate and how his love for chocolate has led him to sample some of the more expensive chocolates. He then led into a life with Christ being "the better life", Pastor Bricker doesnt have to convince me I know that my life with Christ is 15 times better than my life without. I have tried for years to have plans and plan this and that and well God had other ideas. Life isnt about a solid plan, Life is about giving it all to Him and letting Him fit in the pieces of the puzzle as He wills. Thats why putting Him first in your life is so important without Him the pieces of the puzzle dont fit and it leaves openings for satan to come in and seek and destroy. When we left church I was wondering what kind of impact the church made on him and I told myself not to ask...finally I couldnt take it any longer and I asked and he even wrote his paper for his class, on the church, that the church made that much of an impact on him. Monday was a good day and then Tuesday oh I knew it would happen sooner or later and Satan has attacked. I am sitting here as I am writing this praying that Satan would just leave Rey alone and I pray that Rey not forget all he has learned this past weekend. Last night when I text him he was in a weird mood and then today when I text him good morning he said we need to talk. All day long I have been in this book letting the Lord work on me. I dont know what he wants to talk about but I know that God is in control whatever it may be. Anyways okay back to the book and everything:

--A wise woman is able and qualified for her work, has command of her own spirit and is able to manage others.

--The most important thing to man (ladies listen up! Its not what you think) is for him to know that the woman he loves is on his team. If the rest of the world calls him a fool and deserts him, it is a great comfort for him to know that she'll be there beside him no matter what.

As I read this very important 1st Chapter God began to show me my faults. Yeah I know I am not perfect, isnt that a shocker :) In my marriage I wasnt on my husbands team and actually when he screwed up I was usually the first one to laugh. I know now that thats wrong.

Love is not a conditional thing. You cannot be like I love you but you need to do this and this and this...I am striving to have a love like Christ had.. He loved all people regardless of social class, race, etc and he loved people unconditionally. There was no if you do this then I cannot love you etc I love the 1st Corinthians chap 13 but it is verse 7 that really stands out the most "Love endures ALL things, its not you live your life and I will live mine, its we need to live in peace and love and unity.

2nd Corinthians 12:19--"We do all things beloved for Your edification building them up and helping them grow in Christ.

Which brings about the attitude--I will do anything my love for your benefit. I can see where this speaks to a Christian woman married to a non-Christian man. She loves that man unconditionally because the love isnt coming from her per se but its coming through her from her love of Christ.

My favorite movie I have seen in awhile is Fireproof with Kirk Cameron. Caleb played by Kirk Cameron is a married man who is self-absorbed in himself and saving for a boat and internet porn that he fails to see how much pressure he is putting on his wife Katherine. Katherine works full time and keeps up the house while Caleb takes care of himself. Well as they learn as the movie goes on you can only do that for so long and you begin to grow apart. Caleb and Katherine didnt have God in their marriage and ultimately it began to fail. I had God in my marriage or so I thought but now I am finding out in hindsight that Michael didnt have a heart for God if anything he was just like Caleb except he cheated on his wife. Caleb's father sends him this book called the "Love Dare" 40 days to enhance his marriage and find the love and connection again but as Caleb learns the more he gets into the Love Dare that he isnt going to love his wife the way that she needs to be loved, deserves to be loved without the Love of God in Him. And it isnt all Katherine's fault that their marriage is failing apart. People dont realize that if they want things to change that change has to be within ... I know after my divorce God really worked on me in changing for the better. My favorite part of the movie is when Caleb and his dad are on the trail by Caleb's house and they walk on a like outdoor church setting and Caleb's dad stands by the cross and Caleb says "dont talk to me about God" and then it hits Caleb -- God's love has been right there all along and Caleb has spat in the Lord's face and it is right then and there that Caleb needs the Lord in His life and chooses at that moment to "lay down his arms, lay down his defenses" and come to the Lord and seek Him, which ultimately leads him to love his wife even more than he ever thought possible.

I am so praying for a love like that from someone. I know that I can give that love to someone..man wasnt designed to live alone. I have tried and tried to show this, but I dont think I am getting the same response as I am giving my I dont give up I have faith and my faith is what is going to sustain me.

I have been reading alot about the Proverbs 31 woman and I am finding that she had so much love to give that it didnt stop with her family, it went on to her church, her friends, her extended family. Her true beauty comes from inner strength of character.

This book at the end of the 1st Chapter asks this one question that I swear really gets me-- Do you want to be the Proverbs 31 woman? The starting place is the same for us as it was for her -- Our relationship with the Lord. Philipians 2:12-13 states "For God is at work within you, helping you want to obey Him and then helping you do what He wants." Its 100% God and 100% Me it cant be 50% Me and 50% God, He needs all of us not just the good part of us or what we think is the better part. A relationship with God is much like a marriage relationship each partner must give 100% or the partnership will ultimately fail.

2nd Corinthians 5:17--"Therefore if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; old things have passed away and behold all things are new."

We need to look past the present circumstances and look at the big picture, and see all that God has done in our lives. Hebrews 13:5 states "I will never leave you nor forsake you." I am so looking forward to expounding on this later but it gives comfort to my heart that no matter what is thrown at me my faith in the Lord can continue to sustain me.