Purpose-Driven Life Intro

I have been struggling for the last few months with alot of things within me. My walk with the Lord has been struggling, and I have lost focus. I love Horacio and I thank God for everyday that we have together and that love is growing which scares me. On the 21st of June I will be walking in Relay for Life, as a survivor for me that is an awesome accomplishment because 5 years ago they didnt know what was going to happen. God knew. Over a year ago I went through a very upsetting divorce. I thought back in 2001 I had married the love of my life. Little did I know he didnt feel the same way about me. But my divorce allowed me to meet the Love of my life and I am enjoying building a life with Horacio and Dustin and Matty and Ali my little princess. I never knew love could feel like this, so awesome, so encompassing (for lack of a better word). This love I have found in Rey and my kids and my walk with the Lord is the kind of love Paul talks about in 1st Corinthians 13 it is truly an awe-inspiring love.

That awesome love brings alot of questions, alot of what ifs, and alot of doubt and uncertainty. With this love and my life going forward since the divorce I have also had to overcome one of the toughest battles in my life with depression. Before Rey I had given up on meeting anyone. 3 kids, 3 different dads I didnt need any more heartache, I put my focus on God and my kids. And then Rey crossed my path and alot of that changed. This past week we have actually been talking about the "next step" which has me more scared than ever, but this is also where I need to work on my faith, God has a plan. As I was working on the bookshelf downstairs I came across the "purpose-Driven Life" by Rick Warren. I havent read this book since 2005 so as I flip open the cover I see the introduction right on the cover..."you are not an accident. Even before the universe was created, God had you in mind, and He planned you for His purposes. These purposes will extend far beyond the few years you will spend on Earth. You were made to last forever!" As I read that just that little blip alot of things come to mind--Why God, why have I gone through divorce and cancer and reposession and forclosure and everything? Where is your glory in that? As I ask those questions I am reminded of Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to help and not hurt you, plans to give you hope and a purpose." That is so hard for me to digest. Why Lord am I struggling to make ends meet? Why am I so angry at my ex husband because he robbed me of everything I loved? Why dont I get luxuries in life..so many questions and then I remember "Be Still, and know that I am God." Be still? How can I be still Lord when everything is so unsettled? and then I read on, still on the cover of this book--"This book will help you understand why you are alive and God's amazing plan for you-both here and now and for eternity. Rick Warren will guide you through a personal 40 day spiritual journeythat will transform your answer to the question: What on Earth am I here for?" "knowing God's purpose for creating you will in turn reduce your stress, focus your energy, simplify your decisions, give meaning to your lifeand most important prepare you for eternity." Okay God let me strap on my backpack and lets go..I invite you to join me in this journey this spiritual 40 day journey to find myself in the Lord again. To not lose focus and to keep it all in Him. As I get ready for this journey, not that I am going anywhere physically but I am spiritually I am reminded of the Steven Curtis Chapman--"Great Adventure" it begins: "Saddle up your horses..we have a trail to blaze..." I do I am headed out, come and join me, everyone can use a good spiritual awakening....