This past weekend was Relay for Life held at Centennial Park in Plymouth, IN. I got the chance this year to be on my friend Penny's team affectionately called "Friends 4 Life" these ladies, well most of them have been my friends for years when I was up north I bowled with most of them. Anyways it was an honor to be up there as a survivor surrounded by family and friends and I have some awesome pictures which I will post later as soon as I figure how to work the darn camera and get the picture card to load on my POS computer.

The walk was from 6pm Saturday - 6 pm Sunday. This years goal was 60,000.00 and when we left (not all the money was accounted for) they had reached 51,000.00 so I am pretty sure they will make their goal and then some. Besides walking on the track each campsite sells something, or some of them have raffles. One booth made Elephant Ears for their fundraiser. Our campsite sold gatorade and freezie pops and baked goods. They also had a bubble lap where you walked the track for one lap blowing bubbles and a flag lap where you walked 1 lap waving an american flag. Our team especially loved the events in addition to the walk. We had a Mr. Relay where a man dresses up as a woman for money, our Mr. Relay was an older "woman" when I get the pix posted then you can see what I was talking about. This is also the 1st year I have done this walk that I did not fall asleep and stayed up the whole night (I was exhausted the next morning) I never thought at 2am I would be doing the train all around the track and at 230 the macarena and the chicken, but I was.

Its funny but that walk was very special to me. There is a sense of pride in being a survivor and its very touching. I cannot wait till next year to do it all over again!

Day 4-- Made to Last forever-- Purpose Driven Life

Okay well I am heading onto Day 4. I have been doing alot of thinking on Day 3 and the whole what drives you thing so I delayed doing Day 4 till now.

Ecclesiastes 3:11-- "God has...planted eternity in the human heart."

"Surely God would not have created such a being as man to exist for only a day! No, No man was made for immortality." Abraham Lincoln

This life is not all there is. Life on Earth is just the dress rehearsal before the real production.

"The closer you live to God, the smaller everything appears."

Measured against eternity our time on Earth is just a blink of an eye, but the consequences of it will last forever. The deeds of this life are the destiny of the next.

Wow thats about how I feel...I took Alison to the pool for the first time (you can see pics of her in her swimsuit in the previous posting), and she enjoyed it. She loved putting her legs in the water and splashing a little with her hand, it was like the water had a calming effect on her because when we got back from the pool it was all I could do to get her diaper changed and her thumb went in her mouth and she was out. I couldnt resist snapping this picture, isnt she adorable?

Part 2....A Picture is worth a thousand words....Summer 2009

What drives your life-- Day 3 Purpose-Driven Life

Ecclesiastes 4:4--"I observed that the basic motive for success is the driving force of envy and jealousy!"

"The man without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder- a waif, a nothing, a no man." Thomas Carlyle

Everyones life is driven by something. What is the driving force in your life? There are hundreds of circumstances, values, and emotions that can drive your life. There are 5 common ones:

1) Many people are driven by guilt. Guilt are manipulated by memories. They allow the past to control their future. They punish themselves by sabotaging their own success. Lots of people let that allow them to wander through life without a purpose. We are products of our past but we dont have to be prisoners of it. God's purpose is not limited by our pasts. God specializes in giving people a fresh start.

2) Many people are driven by resentment and anger. They hold onto hurts and never get over them. Some resentment driven people "clam-up" and internalize their anger while others "blow-up" and explode it onto others.

Those who have hurt you in the past cannot continue to hurt you now unless you hold onto the pain through resentment. Your past is past! Nothing will change it. For your own sake learn from it and let it go!

3) Many people are driven by fear. Fear-driven people often miss out on great opportunities because they're afraid to venture out. Instead they play it safe, avoiding risks and trying to maintain the status quo. Fear is a self-imposed prison that will keep you from becoming what God intends you to be.

4) Many people are driven by materialism. Their desire to acquire becomes the whole goal of their lives. This drive to always want more is based on the misconception that having more will make me happy. Posessions only provide temporary happiness. Self worth and net worth are not the same. God says the most valuable things in life are not things! Real security can only be found in that which can never be taken from you--your relationship with God!

5) Many people are driven by the need for approval. They allow the expectations of parents or spouses or children or teachers or friends to control their lives. some are driven by peer pressure always worried by what others might think.

*One key to failure is trying to please everyone.

Being controlled by the opinions of others is a guaranteed way to miss God's purposes for your life.

*Knowing your purpose gives meaning to your life
*Knowing your purpose simplifies your life
*Knowing your purpose focuses your life
*Knowing your purpose motivates your life
*Knowing your purpose prepares you for eternity

Isaiah 26:3--"You Lord give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you."

Question to consider: What would my friends and family say is the driving force in my life? What do I want it to be?

I found a song that sums up my life at this moment

I love music, most of my friends and family know I love a song because of the lyrics. I found a song last night sung by Brad Paisley that kinda sums up everything for me...

Its called "Then" the lyrics really get me...

"Then"

I remember, trying not to stare the night that I first met you.

You had me memorized

And three weeks later, in the front porch light

taking 45 minutes to kiss goodnight

I hadnt told you yet but I thought I loved you then.

Chorus

And now you're my whole life, now you're my whole world

I just cant believe the way I feel about you girl

Like a river meets the sea

Stronger than its ever been

We've come so far since that day and I thought I loved you, then.

And I remember, taking you right back to where I first met you,

You were so surprised

There were people around, but I didnt care

Got down on one knee right there once again,

I thought I loved you then

Chorus

And now you're my whole life

Now you're my whole world

I just cant believe the way I feel about you, girl

Like a river meets the sea

stronger than its ever been

We've come so far since that day

And I thought I loved you then

I could just see you with a baby on the way

And I could just see you, when your hair is turning gray

What I cant see is how I am ever gonna love you more

But I've said that before

And now you're my whole life

now you're my whole world

I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl

We'll look back someday, at this moment we're in

And I'll look at you and say

And I thought I loved you then

And I thought I loved you then

That song just melts my heart and sums up exactly how I feel at this moment in my life. Isnt it awesome when a song can do that? Have a wonderful day I know I will.

Purpose-Driven Life Day 2-- You are not an Accident

Isaiah 44:2--" I am your Creator, You were in my care even before you were born."

"God doesnt play dice" Albert Einstein

You were not an accident. Your birth was no mistake or mishap. Your life is not a fluke of nature no matter how much you have been through and think it is. Your parents may not have planned you but God did. God thought of us first, not our parents.

Psalm 138:8--"The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me."

Psalm 139:15--"You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body, you know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something."

Psalm 139:16--"You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in Your book!"

While there are illigitimate parents there are no illigitimate children. No child is unplanned by God. God has a reason for everything He does.

Ephesians 1:4--"Long before he laid down the Earth's foundations, He had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of His love.

James 1:18--"God decided to give us life through the word of truth so we might be important of all things He made."

God is not haphazard, He planned everything with great precision.

Isaiah 45:18--"God formed the Earth...He did not create it to be empty but formed it to be inhabited."

God is a God of love. This kind of love is difficult to fathom but its fundamentally reliable. God made us so He could love us. This is a truth to build our lives on! Love is the essence of God's character, there is perfect love in the fellowship of the trinity so God didnt Need to create us. He wanted to create us.

Isaiah 46:3-4--"I have carried you since you were born; I have taken care of you since birth. Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray I will take care of you. I made you and will take care of you.

Purpose Driven Life--Day 1

Okay i started this journey on Friday, unfortunately here it is Sunday and I am posting...so bear with me....The 1st words in this chapter really hit me....ITS NOT ABOUT YOU....wow..The purpose of your life is far greater than your own personal fulfillment. It is reinterated to me by Colossians 1:16--"For everything, absolutely everything above and below, visible and invisible, everything got started in Him and finds its purpose in HIM. I dont think it can get any more cut and dried than that. I used to think Life was all about being happy and just taking the lumps that it throws at you (kind of like when a baby throws oatmeal..) I used to think after my divorce, why Lord but just in this 1st chapter I have learned its not about me, its about Him and how He can take the lumps from the "oatmeal' I have been thrown and use them for His glory.

I have so many friends who are missing the diffinitive "point". Job 12:10 says "It is God who directs the lives of His creatures everyone's life is in His power." Contrary to what many books and self-help gurus say you arent going to find permanent happiness within yourself. You can find temporary but thats just it, its temporary, i think thats why there are so many divorces and suicides in this country..People think that they have to have that special "someone" in their life. I used to think this to, but once I put that notion aside and put the focus on the Lord and my kids and my job and my friends and family this inner peace welled up inside of me. For the last year since the divorce, I found my inner peace through my walk with the Lord. I learned to live and be happy with what the Lord blessed me with. And then when God blessed me with Horacio I was ready, there are so many different things about Horacio, that are so different than my marriage. Its like I am "stepping out of my box so to speak." getting past the "comfort zone" there is a phrase that keeps coming back to me as I write this .."You were made by God and for God-and until you understand that, life will never make sense." I know so many people who want to "get ahead" in life, and will stop at nothing (even hurting family and dear friends) to accomplish this, but they are so missing the point. Yeah its great to have that list of dreams and goals and strive to accomplish them, but its so hard when God has other plans because you didnt allow for God to work in those goals and dreams. What I am saying is this we can make the best laid plans in the whole world but if we dont let God in on those plans then they wont go as we planned...ever....

That being said God has not left us in the dark to wonder and guess. He has revealed His purposes for us through the bible. "God's wisdom goes deep into the interior of His purposes, Its not the latest message, but more like the oldest--what God determined as the way to bring out the best in us." 1st Corint. 2:7..

God is not the starting point of your life; He is the source of it. To discover your purpose in life you must turn to the word of God. You must build your life on the eternal truths not some pop psychology, success-motivation, or inspirational stories, like my pastor told me, the cold-hard facts. Ephesians 1:11 sums it all up-- "Its in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, He had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of overallpurpose He is working out in everything and everyone.

The verse gives 3 insights into your purpose:

1. You discover your identity and purpose through a relationship with Jesus Christ

2. God was thinking about you long before you ever thought about Him. His purpose for your life predates your conception. He planned it before you existed without your input! You may choose your career, your spouse, your hobbies, and many other parts of your life but you dont get to choose your purpose.

3. The purpose of your life fits into a much larger cosmic purpose that God has designed for eternity.

Without God, life makes no sense. You may have felt in the dark about your purpose in life. Congratulations, you're about to walk into that light.

Purpose-Driven Life Intro

I have been struggling for the last few months with alot of things within me. My walk with the Lord has been struggling, and I have lost focus. I love Horacio and I thank God for everyday that we have together and that love is growing which scares me. On the 21st of June I will be walking in Relay for Life, as a survivor for me that is an awesome accomplishment because 5 years ago they didnt know what was going to happen. God knew. Over a year ago I went through a very upsetting divorce. I thought back in 2001 I had married the love of my life. Little did I know he didnt feel the same way about me. But my divorce allowed me to meet the Love of my life and I am enjoying building a life with Horacio and Dustin and Matty and Ali my little princess. I never knew love could feel like this, so awesome, so encompassing (for lack of a better word). This love I have found in Rey and my kids and my walk with the Lord is the kind of love Paul talks about in 1st Corinthians 13 it is truly an awe-inspiring love.

That awesome love brings alot of questions, alot of what ifs, and alot of doubt and uncertainty. With this love and my life going forward since the divorce I have also had to overcome one of the toughest battles in my life with depression. Before Rey I had given up on meeting anyone. 3 kids, 3 different dads I didnt need any more heartache, I put my focus on God and my kids. And then Rey crossed my path and alot of that changed. This past week we have actually been talking about the "next step" which has me more scared than ever, but this is also where I need to work on my faith, God has a plan. As I was working on the bookshelf downstairs I came across the "purpose-Driven Life" by Rick Warren. I havent read this book since 2005 so as I flip open the cover I see the introduction right on the cover..."you are not an accident. Even before the universe was created, God had you in mind, and He planned you for His purposes. These purposes will extend far beyond the few years you will spend on Earth. You were made to last forever!" As I read that just that little blip alot of things come to mind--Why God, why have I gone through divorce and cancer and reposession and forclosure and everything? Where is your glory in that? As I ask those questions I am reminded of Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to help and not hurt you, plans to give you hope and a purpose." That is so hard for me to digest. Why Lord am I struggling to make ends meet? Why am I so angry at my ex husband because he robbed me of everything I loved? Why dont I get luxuries in life..so many questions and then I remember "Be Still, and know that I am God." Be still? How can I be still Lord when everything is so unsettled? and then I read on, still on the cover of this book--"This book will help you understand why you are alive and God's amazing plan for you-both here and now and for eternity. Rick Warren will guide you through a personal 40 day spiritual journeythat will transform your answer to the question: What on Earth am I here for?" "knowing God's purpose for creating you will in turn reduce your stress, focus your energy, simplify your decisions, give meaning to your lifeand most important prepare you for eternity." Okay God let me strap on my backpack and lets go..I invite you to join me in this journey this spiritual 40 day journey to find myself in the Lord again. To not lose focus and to keep it all in Him. As I get ready for this journey, not that I am going anywhere physically but I am spiritually I am reminded of the Steven Curtis Chapman--"Great Adventure" it begins: "Saddle up your horses..we have a trail to blaze..." I do I am headed out, come and join me, everyone can use a good spiritual awakening....

Summer 2009, a picture is worth a thousand words....

Kids Free Vacation!

Finally the day arrived! Kids free vacation! This is going to be great or so I thought it was! I should have known there were going to be issues when I had to borrow money from Rey to pay the bills for the month (thanks alot to xh and his not following through when it comes to child support!) Thursday night after work I drove up to mom and dads and went to the end of dads softball game (this was also my chance to show Ali off to all mom and dads softball friends who hadnt seen her yet!) Friday morning I drove Ali over to stay with my friend Penny and then headed back to Indy. Got back to Indy like 12 pm on Friday and took my time clearing up some things before I met Rey at like 3pm. We went to the pool and took a nap and then I made some awesome scrambled eggs with chicken that was marinated in Red Pepper Vinigrette--delicious! Had a pretty uneventful evening except Rey was in a real mood. We went up to the airport and met Rey's dad's plane (he was coming home from Nicaragua) and we took them home to Lafayette. Drove back to Indy, got there like 2am and went to sleep! Saturday morning we got up..let the fighting begin! it just lasted like all day, we went for dinner to Lafayette to his dads house and then on the way home it was like someone opened the pressure cooker..bam!!! the jeep overheated and we were fighting it was just an awful ride home! saturday night was spent talking things out--thats what I love about him the most when we argue we sit down and talk things out and we went to bed that night not mad at each other anymore. Sunday we enjoyed breakfast and then went to Olive Garden for lunch and then Sunday night went to the casino in Shelbyville and had alot of fun! Monday I was so sick and so I spent alot of time laying in bed, I am so blessed to have someone who wants to be with me and doesnt make excuses. There was one thing that happened this weekend that I didnt mention-- saturday afternoon we stopped at Advance where they were having a cookout and had a sausage. After that we left and rey was like are you thirsty? Without me even saying yes he pulled into the next gas station and didnt ask me what I wanted and came out with a fountain pepsi (my favorite) I was in shock. What did I do to deserve a man to be this good to me. When I told my friend Gena about this and how shocked I was she text me this back: "is he aware of that dollar pepsi meaning more to you right now than any diamond he could purchase? the little things if only they realized..lol" she was so right and I am so lucky to have FINALLY met the love of my life! Besides aunt flow visiting it was an awesome weekend all around!

Hot Time Summer in the City!

Alright! Bring on the heat! June in Indiana is hot! Yesterday was 88 degrees today is 89! I dropped Matty off at his dads on Sunday, I am going to miss my little man, oh golly my house is quiet now like big time! Rey even commented how different it was not having Matty coming and bugging us every 5 minutes and baby girl Ali well lets just say she is in bed by 9pm which gives Rey and I time to connect before we head to sleep.

3 days from now I am heading on my first free kid vacation in 9 years! I am so excited and I admit a little nervous. I am going to be giving my baby to my family up north for the week (next week) and it will just be Rey and I. Not sure what all we are doing, I know a trip to Kings Island is planned (this time I will wear sunscreen I promise) but this will be like a make or break thing with Rey. I have to admit I love him, I have never felt this way about anyone before. The way we laugh and joke together is awesome. He is becoming my best friend (no Gena and Melissa and Janie you will always be my best friends also, I couldnt get through life without all of you...) heck without all of my friends for that matter. Uggh well I want to add more but I have reports to do so more later..peace out y'all!